The Beginning

Well finally being at the end of my rope, which I thought I was at before, I finally made an appt and went the 12 hours without and am now almost 3 days without that devil on my shoulder. In the process... I have lost nearly everything. I cant believe the end to this nightmare is almost here. I have lost so much but at the same time I have to say I learned alot about myself... Though it was a very tough lesson to learn and I obviously needed a blatant wake up call.

Lo packed all her stuff, mostly behind my back. One day it occurred to me that she moved out right in front of me and yet I barely saw it or comprehended it. I looked around and sure enough only the bare essentials were left. It all happened to so suddenly, though probably not for her. She was very secretive about it and never said a word. I slid back again and she couldnt take it anymore. The heart wrenching gut sickness I felt was enough to make me schedule and appt with the doc for the next day. It was not nearly as bad as I thought, I had taken xanax to help me be somewhat relaxed or at least tired when I went in. This proved to be a good strategy, though I was afraid I hadnt spent enough time without I had gone 12 hours and they only required 8. I had smoked also the night before and the combo of xanax and smoke were helping the mild symptoms I was feeling so even though I waited enough time in between seeing the doc and my last dose, I wasnt as sick as I could have been.

I had run out of my klonopin almost a week ago and thank god Dr. S prescribed that in combination with the other so that takes care of that other discomfort. Ive been doing really well so far and this is day 3 so I would think it will only start to get better from here. I know they recimmend at least 6 weeks but I really want to be off it in 2 weeks tops. I know the statistics but I also know my luck with tapering off something else that can be addictive. I dont want to hit that point. Im not worried about ever going back to this devil again. It took so much to get here and it was a painful and expensive process, there is no way im going back.

Will keep an update on progress