Recovering?

Since ive gotten back to WPB things have gotten better rather than worse like I thought. I finally stood up to E and told him his bullsh*t was just that, bullsh*t. I was sick of it and really what it boiled down to was emotional abuse. I finally called his bluff, something I should have done a long time ago but never got the guts to do so. I guess losing everything will give you a new perspective on things and a lack of fear in losing anything else. I was standoffish the whole time he was here and even though we still slept in the same bed there was nothing there but sleeping and I was fine with that. I stayed up late to watch TV or mess around on the computer, whatever I could but go to bed. I dont sleep well anyway so its not a stretch for me to stay up and out of the room. Lo helped me move the TV out of my room, actually turning the living room into a living room. This is actually the first time since the furniture was bought that ive actually used it. I brought the table down from upstairs and a side table to put my laptop on. Later I brought out another table/stand with a drawer and empty middle out from the sunroom so I could put my speaker system for the laptop and other random stuff on and in it. Its turned into a nice little space and its out of the bedroom which makes it a great little space. Ive been sleeping on the couch since he left and I sleep better out here then I ever have in there. Im up later but really the only reason is because I feel like im not going to get sh*t for it. I would stay up that late on the regular if I could but I feel like im going to get in trouble if im not in bed by a certain time. I guess I just sleep out here because its convienent. Ive been so tired lately so I could fall asleep around 11 and probably stay asleep all night but with Lo coming home late I tend to wake up then and stay up for a little while before passing out again. I dont sleep any later than 10, 1030 at the latest even though I usually dont go to sleep until around 2 or so.
He is coming back tonight, I am really not looking forward to it and I just hope it doesnt through off any progress ive made so far. The blue devil, ever present has at least been at a consistent level and im making that move to bring it down more. I cant believe ive managed to quit everything except that. Im still on the klonopin, which is prescribed and ive been on for a few years now but thats it. Trees are definetely something I never thought I would be able to quit and that seems like a breeze compared to this. Then again there isnt any physical pain or discomfort from quiting that, unless you count the lack of appetite. Thats going to be a problem once I start taking my adderall again too, Im going to have to do something to eat or ill be way to thin again before I know it. I need to start taking my adderall again. Even though I have health insurance though, it isnt great and it will still be a very expensive script. Its hard to cover that and the blue devils. Im not getting anything done though and I need to get moving before I get back into the same pattern I was in before I left here. I am doing some work for E's company, just some survey stuff to help them get a foot in at Barry for food service. Im really more of a "middle man" so they can get to a friend of mine who is still working on the campus and an alumni. I dont really think there is a large potential to make any money there, but I suppose anything is experience and that cant hurt.
Garrett texted me tonight and asked what I was doing later or tomm, it would be nice to just get away from here. I guess I can get away with that seeing as how we are suppose to be working on this project together. I told him about Lo and K and he seemed a little surprised but thought that she would be good for her. I guess so but I think for the wrong reasons. He said because she is mothering like, a very good insight considering the way her mother is. I always thought she was very cold and treated Lo like more of a student then her child but I can see where Lo gets very impatient with her mother and can be frustrating too. Too her credit she has relaxed alot in her old age and seems more caring then I have seen her in the whole time that I have known Lo. Not a good reason to be with someone and can lead to disaster... I know that firsthand with what I have been through with E. Not a good place to be for sure and easy to get caught up in. Its difficult to be in a relationship where someone else has an upper hand age wise. Its easy to feel like you are being scolded and you are doing something wrong, like a kid hence the problem with age difference thing. If they have been talking a lot, I haven't noticed it. Whenever she is texting or talking to someone, she always says its someone else. I never ask but she offers it up which is what makes me think she isnt telling the truth.
An old friend from college, one of my best friends emailed me back yesterday too and said that she was here for me and we could meet up and talk, ended it with love you and miss you. I thought that was strange just because of the type of relationship we had and the lack of relationship we have had for so long. I can remember staying up all night talking about anything and everything when we were in school. She knows nothing about whats going on and only knows about E, which sruprised her and she is one of the few people, friend wise, that do know about it. Im surprised it never really changed her opinion about me, or if it did she never let on to it and she certainly isnt letting it effect her now. Either way I need to get as much support around me as I can, no matter whats gonna happen and just in case.

He will be here soon and already im anxious about it. I know I gotta be strong about this again for this next few days. Im not going to let it get me down again.