1 Beer Left

Im drinking my last beer (really just the last one in the house) and im thinking about the mess im in now that is more commonly know as my life

I just got off the phone with Ed, we spent the last hour arguing over our relationship and the mess its in. He keeps telling me that things take time and I need to be more patient. What the Fuck for? Why do I have to be patient now when he had no patience for me at the beginning of this relationship. He makes me feel like I am crazy and obsessed, that I am being so irrational about how I feel, but at the same time he says the same things to me. Im so sick of waiting for shit to happen. I told him I am sick of reacting to the things in my life, he is putting me in a holding pattern and then today comes out with he is not ready to leave his career that he has been saying he hates for the last few months.

Its funny that when he met me he said that I made him realize that he was missing out and that there was life beyond where he was now, obviously hes not ready to leave that because thats where the resistence is coming from. Then its that he cant be without me all the time so I would have to get over my fear of flying so we could go back and forth. We somehow skipped from Sharyn, who has been the only issue hes ever talked about to now him not being able to go without me..... Hello, lets not walk before we crawl. How can I not feel that im just not good enough. Ive done everything I can short of begging him to come home and there is always something. I asked him why he couldnt have been here over the weekend and that was because then he would have to come up with a story for Sharyn as to why he would be leaving. Its a bunch of excuses. He doesnt see it because he doesnt want to, because he can only find the fault it others. I asked him why he should get his way when thats the way its been his whole life, hes had 35 years more than I to have it done his way. He tells me to be patient when he is the exact opposite of that. This is not going to go down his way, and if he fights it he will lose me along the way.