A bottle of Cabernet Later...

So I decided to start playing a game of mine again yesterday, ps2, God of War 2. I think its good to get that aggression out but thats not the point of this. So Lo goes to work and I decide that since im flat broke and alone for the night I basically have a choice between a red wine or a white cause other than liquor thats all there is. I chose the red and proceeded to pour myself a glass and settle into the game. It felt good to be occupied by something, im sure that was helped by the red wine too. I played late and passed out on the couch til Lo got home from work. We smoked and I went back to sleep on the couch not going back to bed until 5 or so then I slept til almost 10.

Its gotta be the meds that are causing me to be so tired, I cant even remember the last time I slept in this late. I woke up really agitated to, I was kinda shaky and just edgy. Ed texted me about a job possiblity with the Post. 2am to 11am, I felt like he slapped me in the face. So then we would never see each other and that makes sense how? I got really pissed off, I said that I could see how important it was to him to spend time with me. To which he replied that wasnt fair and he would go with me in the morning when he could.... There are so many things wrong with that statement. First of all what job is going to let you have someone else there with you, thats a pretty obvious one. Then why would he think he would be able to get up at those hours and then continue on to his full day of work. There is no way, if he goes one night without decent sleep he is like a monster the next day, I would give that all of a week max. I would take time to wind down from the night and would most likely be drinking tons of coffee or Red Bull. By the time I got around to sleeping it would be around the time that he would be getting home from work. So that leaves no time. I fail to see the logic in this.

Then there is the neighbor Rich, that he says we are going to meet Tuesday and he supposedly "has a few leads". Im gonna talk to him about the loan and getting my student loans paid off so I can go to school. I feel so useless, he seems so desperate to get me working and then in the next breathe tells me not to worry about money that we'll find a way etc. why does he make me ask for help? I hate that and it nearly turns my ears red with shame for not being able to make it on my own. He just doesnt think and then I feel like an ass when I point it out and he understands and then beats himself up for it. Ugh... Frustrating