He's gone...again

Well Ed left for home today. His flight left around 230. We actually had a fairly good week, one little incident but we both got over it and never mentioned it again. He was suppose to leave on friday but he ended up leaving today instead. I wasnt upset about him leaving early, we actually had a good night last night. We went out to mail eddie jrs clothes and then he wanted to go get a drink. Lo and I hadnt been home all day from doc appointment and running around and trying to see everyone while we were down south. I hadnt smoked all day and really wanted to go home and smoke but said that we could go if he wanted to. He said he really didnt care either and I almost asked to go home but he went there anyway. I said I thought we were going for a drink and he said he didnt really think I wanted to so he came home. He said not to ever do something just to make him happy because he really didnt care and he really just wanted to make me happy. We discussed going out and he asked if I wanted to get Lo, before I said anything she came out and he rolled down the window and asked her himself. She said yes and I took the oppurtunity to ask if we could go in and smoke first. He was fine with it and while we smoked he made himself a drink. By the time we left for the bar he had already had a couple doubles at home and Lo and I had smoked.
The bar was close to the house, Ed and I had been there before and it was happy hour so 2-4-1. Just the ones were ridiculously large, 3 quarters of the glass was vodka. Ed had three more doubles, I had three and then another vodka cranberry single, and Lo had at least 4 singles. I really dont even remember leaving the restuarant or at least in bits and pieces> Ed definetely should not have been driving home.
When we got home Chris was there and all I remember is going in the sunroom to smoke with Lo. Ed and Chris ended up staying in the kitchen and talking... and drinking. I managed to talk them into going to get hot fudge and Lo and I took advantage of the time to smoke again. They came back and made dessert and just after that I went to bed. The first time in our whole relationship that I went to bed before him. I passed out and didnt even wake up when he came in. My hangover in the morning wasnt bad, I threw up once but I think it was more from lack of food in my stomach from the day before and I believe I forgot to take my triavil the night before in an effort to not pass out early. Inevitably I always throw up if I forget to take the triavil.

Speaking of which, went to the doctor and after intial problems with insurance, my cobra switched and he told me before he didnt except my insurance. He actually called them and is going to work it out somehow. Finally asked him to give me the regular adderall for the afternoon dose because of the lack of eating and sleeping so late. I didnt think he would prescribe it simply because I asked him for it but when I asked him what he thought he wasnt opposed and in fact didnt even know they made a regular adderall. So he put me on 10mg of the regular release and I just took it for the first time today. I took half of it at first because I was afraid of the initial hit but it wasnt bad and I ended up taking the other half. It didnt feel bad so im probably going to take the whole pill tommorow. I think at the next appt I will ask for a higher dose of the regular. He asked if I wanted to keep it at the ten for the regular so I dont think he will be opposed to raising it. Guess we will wait and see, took a xanax tonight, but ended up taking the 30 XR kinda late in the day so im having a little harder time relaxing tonight, that and the help of another unnamed prescrition im feeling better now. I feel like I will be up for awhile but it least i will be feeling kind of relaxed. Im going to try to take the XR earlier tomm and then the regular earlier too. Timing is everything. Its bothersome that I am getting used to the not eating thing and I kinda like the feeling. Thats dangerous for me because losing the weight is addicting to me and I take everything to the extreme. We will see what happens...