Update, of sorts

Its been over a week since I checked in I think and things have gotten worse and better and they are about to get worse again. Eds been here since Wen, we started off on a bad foot and it seems we are having troubles changing stride. I am miserable here right now and its not helping that he is about to leave again. Everytime he leaves I go on this temporary binge or downward spiral. By the time he gets home again I know I have to clean it up so im better for the time that hes here. Its a nasty cycle though and its going to start to tell on me soon. It has already, I am almost back down to the weight I was at right before I got sick. That is somewhat of a relief because that was starting to weigh heavy on my mind. Ive started throwing up in the mornings again too. Not every morning but enough to make me wonder if its a correlation with the low weight. Last week I also developed the habit of just not going to bed for about three nights straight. There was of course some chemical assistance there... add that to the self destructive list. It almost got to the point that I was afraid to sleep, I felt anxiety coming on when I would nod off, wierd. I fail to see why this week will be any different.
Ive got to get out of this habit of going a little nuts when he is not around. I guess I feel really repressed when he is here, thats the only reason I can come up with. He took the adderall yesterday because he wanted to see what it was like for me, of course the effect on him was nothing like what it is on me. I should have known that but part of me was curious to see how it would effect him.
Ed leaves tommorow and then Lo has those next two days off, that means lots of time to make poor decisions.

Note: Draft posted from 2/17/08